She was never alone

She grew up in church hearing about the goodness of God and she always knew there was something different and special about her, but as a teen she tried so hard to detach herself from the “cookie cutter” persona that came along with being a “PK” (Preacher’s Kid).

Her father was a Minister, and her mother served the Youth in the church, so she knew she would be expected to live up to the “good girl” title.

That title came with a high level of expectations and pressure, she felt as if her life was under a microscope accompanied with awaiting scrutiny from others.

Growing up she participated in all of the church activities, from being in the “Sunshine Band” to singing in the Youth Choir. She was forced to be in Church Plays and perform Inspirational Dances.

Although they were a lot of fun, there were many times where she felt as if she just wanted to breathe, rest, and say no.

As she grew older there was a feeling of annoyance and frustration slowly brewing on the inside of her. She wondered why she could not be a “normal” teen? Why she had to be labeled the “churchy” girl within her group of friends?

She came from a close-knit family and although it was is a wonderful feeling to know you are loved, why did she still  feel so alone?  

Why did she feel so misunderstood and disconnected? Why did she feel as if God messed up by giving her such a big personality and a motor mouth?

She constantly asked, Why, Why, Why? She was just a child growing up in a family God decided He wanted her to have. So why were there times she felt as if she did not fit in?

Because of all of the unanswered questions, she decided to take control of her own life which led to a series of poor decisions.

She started unraveling at the seams and falling apart emotionally. She felt that she had no one to talk to that would understand her pain, because if she spoke of the hurt in her heart, she would probably be viewed as “overreacting “or being “dramatic” so she kept everything within.

She concealed all of the hurt and pain and built the thickest wall she possibly could around her heart.

She did not realize how heavy this burden was going to be.

Through the years she masked her hurt and tears with anger, and as time progressed, she began to think that she had it all figured it out.

She felt that if she distanced herself from the very essence of who God called her to be in life, she would be viewed differently by others and free to be exactly who she wanted to be.

The path she decided upon led to a life of rebellion, as she strived hard to be everything other than what God created her to be, and experienced nothing but rejection, emptiness and defeat.  

One day as she sat in her home alone, she tried to figure out why she was continuing in the vicious cycle she created?

In that moment God spoke to her heart and said “I make No mistakes. I created you with a purpose and for My glory.”

In that moment, the comfort from her Heavenly Father wrapped himself around her and gave her the strength to know that everything was going to be ok.

She was exactly who God created her to be, because He knew that He would make great use out of her life for His Kingdom.

That moment in her life was the start of her journey to a deep relationship with God.

Her upbringing in the church set her spiritual foundation, but she had to seek Him out for herself.

Fast forward to the present, she has grown tremendously in her relationship with Christ and helps others to grow by teaching and sharing  her testimony.

When she looks back over her life, there were many times she felt alone, but she was never alone because God was always there waiting for her.

She thanks her parents for instilling the Word of God in her life, being a great example, and not giving up on her.

She had to find her own path in life and although that decision came with many bumps and bruises along the way, it led her straight to the One that waited patiently for her and that is Jesus Christ.

This is my story. She is Me….!

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